You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
