yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
