He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
