just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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