my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
