just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
