You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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