so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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