got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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