mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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