I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
