I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Terrible idea I love it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
