Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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