the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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