He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize