dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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