So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
