Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
