and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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