even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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