last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
