Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
