he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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