she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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