Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There r osticjed everywhere
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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