community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
