his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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