Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
