The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
