I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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