All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
