i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
