Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
