i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
