sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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