Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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