I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
