I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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