Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
