were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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