i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
