Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
