so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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