Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
