Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
