I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
