Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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