then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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