ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
two words...techno handjob
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
