bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
