I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Mom said you looked used
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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