puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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