I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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