I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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