I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
