I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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