Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pants are for mortals
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
