Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
